This post comes so soon after my previous one. I wanted to record how I’m feeling now.
After writing the post below I fell apart emotionally, burst into tears and spent a good half hour beating myself up and feeling ashamed of myself. I was quite surprised at my strength of feeling, and at just how quickly I can change from feeling fine to hating myself. But I felt that my feelings should come out. I felt it was necesary to have my cry, to reach out to my friend and on the weightwatchers forum. And I’m glad I did.
Now all the rubbishness has been vented. I still feel low but I don’t hate myself anymore. I recognise that hating myself isn’t constructive. I recognise that I cannot move forwards if I am ashamed and saying hurtful things to myself. I recognise that I am more than an overweight body. I recognise that my weight is just a small part of who I am. Actually I am welling up again, because I am talking about being kind to myself and accepting my limitations. I am upset, but I’ve decided to channel that upset and disapointment into change.
I emailed my weightwatchers leader. I told her how I felt, that I’d lost my way and couldnt see how I could do this. I texted my friend, and got some supportive, understanding and empowering replies. And I posted on the weightwatchers forum. All those actions helped me to regroup and reassess.
Weight loss isn’t impossible. Hard, maybe, but not impossible. I hope I can use this feeling of sadness and disappointment to make a new start. I still feel like crying my eyes out but I know I can be strong and that one day I will overcome the issues that are keeping me overweight.
These knocks and upsets just make me stronger. I don’t give up. And so long as I don’t give up, there is the possibility that I can lose this weight. The people who lose the weight are the ones that don’t give up. I’m going to be one of them, however hard it is, however long it takes.
That’s more like it.
