Fruity mush

13st11
3lb gained this week
10lbs lost
3st11lbs to go

My weight wasn’t too bad today. 3lbs lighter than at the beginning of the week. Just goes to show that weighing yourself more than once a week is a disaster waiting to happen!!

I had an ME appointment today so didnt get to WW yet again. If I’m honest, I’m not looking forawrd to going back to WW. There’s going to be a big gain ont he cards and I’m going to feel really rubbish about that. But I know I need the weekely support from somewhere!

I went shopping today. I bought 4 packs of frozen berries and cherries, and some fresh fruit. No crisps or biscuits in sight. I feel quite virtuous!!! The plan is to use the fruit in a daily smoothie which I’ll make mid-afternoon when I usually eat all the rubbish in the house.

In order to make the smoothie idea more of a treat, I’ve bought a pretty tumbler and some straws so I feel like each smoothie is something ultra special. That’s the theory anyway!!!

Papaya and mango smoothie anyone? Or would you rather cherry and apple? Or summer fruits and banana?

All in all, I think I’m in a far more positive mindset today, which can only be a good thing. And I only ate one packet of crisps today too!

 

 

Procrastination and being busy doing nothing

I am just so totally and utterly going NOWHERE at the moment; the only thing I seem to be good at is eating and gaining weight!!!

A week ago, I figured what I needed was some life-coaching. someone to help me get past whatever it is that’s stopping me from successful weight loss. It sounded good, I had a 20 minute free session and I could see that there was a lot of work that could be done to re-frame my mind and get myself out of this situation. But there was a slight snag- the £50 price tag for 45 minutes!

I know that working one-to-one with a professional is never going to be cheap- and also that this would be money well spent. BUT, and it’s a big but, I don’t HAVE £300 knocking around for the average 6 sessions. It’s simply too far out of my price bracket. Having the ME means I’m only working part-time, and the income I get is soon swallowed up with food, bills etc that there really isn’t anything left for expensive therapies.

Shame that. It looks like I’ll have to just keep plodding on in my own dysfunctional way.

I’ve thought that maybe I need to join a new slimming club, you know, try something new, but then I stop and think, well, you hear of the people who have tried ‘every diet going’ and are still overweight, and I don’t want to go down that route of false hopes and ups and downs. One ‘diet’ is enough I reckon. But then, if I no longer have the motivation to stick to that diet… why am I sticking with it? Surely there’s another option just around the corner that will be the answer to all my problems, the thing of dreams?

I also look at my recent attempts to get motivated. I’ve tried SOOOO many different ideas, different avenues, tools, techniques and plans to get my mojo back, and it seems that for every new thing I try, this becomes more of a dieting minefield and less of a weight-loss exercise.

It’s as though I now know TOO much, I know too many rules, I know too many tools and tips and restrictions and good things and bad things- so much so that it overwhelms me and instead of managing to focus on one positive habit change, I end up feeling that this dieting lark is too full of restrictions, that there’s too much writing and recording and reflecting involved. I end up feeling exhausted before I’ve even started. So it’s easier to carry on doing what I’ve always done than it is to work out which forms I ought to be filling out today- it’s as though I’m bogged down with miles of dieting red tape.

I’ve got the food diary, the unplanned eating assessment form, the goalsetting form, the weight-loss graph, the hunger scale, the tool planner… the list goes on and on and in the end it’s easier to not do any of it.

I guess maybe I’ve become a victim of my own motivation. I’ve documented my diet to death.

Maybe I really DO need a new start. Chuck out all the tools, forms and tables and charts and start again. But how?

Weigh-in wonders

13st4
1lb lost this week
1st3lbs lost
3st4lbs to go

I’m still feeling quite mashed-up health-wise, so I decided not to go to WW again today. I’ve got a lot going on at the moment and felt that a day resting at home was more valuable than pushing myself to get to weightwatchers.

I weighed myself on my home scales and I’ve lost a pound this week. I’m really pleased about this because I haven’t been tracking my food intake at all.

I have, however, been eating my nuts and seeds for snacks and that’s been going well. Also, I think the warmer weather has reduced my cravings so I’m making better food choices and finding it easier to recognise when I am not hungry.

Or maybe it’s the nuts and seeds reducing the cravings?

Anyway, all round a good week considering. Here’s to next week!

Total meltdown

I’m sat here with tears rolling down my cheeks. The enormity of the task ahead is totally freaking me out. I have 3 1/2 stone to loose (an estimate because I havent weighed myself for two weeks).

I felt so ready earlier on this week and yet today I am seriously doubting my ability to do this. Even to lose a pound. I know its a silly mindset because Ive lost 2 stone in the last few years, I know I can do it. Its just a shame about the stone thats gone back on.

With the ME monsters comes a feeling of not coping. Sometimes I dont have the energy to do anything more than survive. That sounds quite stark but when you are really seriously ill you can’t think much beyond the here and now. Sadly, depression is part and parcel of many chronic health conditions as well as being common in people who are overweight. And depression doesnt make it at all easy to focus on losing weight.

I’ve decided not to go to weightwatchers this week. Obviously I’m trying to do too much too soon and the feeling of being out of my depth is a common one when my ME can’t handle being ill as well as trying to lose weight.

So I’ve got a change of plan.

• weigh myself at home today
• take myself to a local park with a packed lunch, some books and magazines and a notebook
• sit under a tree and spend hours and hours alone with myself and surrounded by nature
• focus on all the things I can do to nurture myself, both with and without food
• create a gentle template of the 5 most important things I could be doing to support myself right now.

I feel calmer already. 

 

Ready or not…

…today is the eve of the new me!

Tomorrow is a new start.

My health is improving again, or at least it’s more stable, so the time is right to get back into the weight loss. And hopefully this time round I’ll be more focussed and more determined than ever to do this, and do myself proud.

today is preparation day. Going to do some more reading this afternoon, and then set up my healthy eating action plan!!

 

A simple start

It’s time I went public. Time I stopped making excuses and took responsibility for my weight-loss journey again. Sure, there are a lot of excuses-

1. The lack of energy that comes from having a chronic and disabling illness (which invariably leads to eating, coz eating=energy, right?)
2. The low levels of activity I can manage right now (although I’d love to be able to jog again… I loved that sense of freedom)
3. The complete and utter lack of motivation when all those ‘treats’ wink at me from the cupboards downstairs (I did mention that I share a house with 4 grown men didnt I??)

So there you have it. I need to loose around 3 to 4 stone. It’s doable. Ive already lost 1 and a half stone to date. So it just goes to show that when I’m motivated all those excuses are NOT a barrier to weight loss… or at least not a barrier that cant be overcome!

 BUT…

This isnt just an ‘I’ve got ME and I’m losing weight’ blog. My plan is to share a load of the tips that I’ve gathered over the year and a half that Ive been on this journey. And I’ll be sharing a lot of my personalised worksheets too. Once I’ve figured out how to do it!

Are you trying to lose weight too? Do you have a chronic heath condition or are you disabled with poor mobility? No probs. Lets go it together and see if we can’t be losers together! (groan).